Why Single Moms Need to Ditch the Mom Guilt
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Why do single moms spend most of their days feeling guilty for things beyond their control? This happens for just about anything in our lives. Second-guessing a $20 shirt at the mall because tomorrow you may need to give the money to your daughter for her school field trip. Or emergency groceries during the week when you forget to buy bread or drinks for the house.
We come up with a million reasons to feel guilty when we try to do anything for ourselves. Or feeling the need to overcompensate for an absent parent. No matter your reasons, the time to stop this madness is now!
How often do you get a chance to do things just for you? And when you get the opportunity do you take it? I am a full-time single mom, and I don't get a lot of alone time, and mostly by choice. I have been a single mother for almost three years now. I nearly ran myself into the ground trying to do and be everything.
As a mom who is living with depression, single motherhood has been the hardest journey by far, and some days I feel like I'm failing. If I spend a few bucks on something blogging related I feel guilty. I want to spend a little on myself on a long overdue trip to the mall, I instantly banish the thought because I know I would feel guilty later after the money has been spent.
Why do we do this? Feeling like we need to give out children the world while seeking no rewards for ourselves. For everything that you do, should you not reward yourself from time-to-time? Trust me, if you have been minding your kids to the brink of exhaustion it's definitely time to cut the mom guilt. Here are some tips for moms who are sick and tired of feeling guilty.
Why do I feel guilty about everything
You feel guilty about EVERYTHING because you're supermom. You are your biggest critic. Naturally, you want to be a good mother and a provide your child with all that they need and then some. But perfection is not a realistic part of parenting. You also need to allow yourself to feel human from time-to-time.
The guilt we feel as mothers can be both good and bad. It is healthy to want to provide the best life for your children. Healthy feelings of guilt drive you to live according to your genuine values. Unhealthy guilt can be a psychological burden that conflicts with your emotions and quality of life.
How to take care of yourself
These days I'm learning how important and somewhat essential it is to be a little selfish. From my personal experiences, not catering to my needs fed my depression. Always working to pay bills, groceries, and buying kids necessities became so routine.
Now don't get me wrong, I did feel a sense of pride being able to provide for my family. However, with the lack of help from my children's other parent, it seemed impossible for me to even consider the thought of evening spending just a little something on myself. We will spend our whole lives doing for our children, but we still must take care of our physical and mental health. If we don't, who will
Live Your life
As I mention in my post, Five Amazing Tips On How To Survive Single Motherhood, learn to be okay with doing things that are just for you. Mommy time means taking off your mom gear (you know those yoga pants and sweats you like to wear), get dolled up and have a girls night. See a movie even if it's by yourself (yes, I do this). Go for a walk or a run. As a mom, you often silence your own needs or feel they are less valid than those of your child, but you have to realize it's okay to live your life and take care of your own needs.
Attend a yoga session once or twice a week, trust me you NEED the meditation. Take yourself shopping, even if you treat yourself to one thing you'll feel pretty damn good afterward.
How to get rid of Mom Guilt
Getting rid of mom guilt may not be easy at first. With time it will get easier and easier when you remember that you are human too. If you feel guilty because you’re not doing enough for your kids or family list all the things that you frequently do for them.
Psychology Today says, writing a “self-gratitude” diary at the end of every day, noting at least three things you did that day that furthered your goals or helped someone you care about helps with getting rid of a pattern of guilt. By writing down what you actually did, you can overcome this bias and force yourself to focus on your accomplishments.
Stop punishing yourself trust me, good is good enough. Being single mom comes with mistakes because we learn as we go, but doing things like treating yourself is not a mistake or future regret (well depends on the splurge). Over compensating for an absent parent is a mistake. Don't kill yourself trying to make up for what your child is missing. As long as you are giving your child an abundance of love and a safe home, they're not missing much.
For all my new and not so new single parents know that it is okay to take a day or two to yourself. If that seems like a lot start with a few hours and work up from there. I said it once, and I'll say it again, the trick in life is learning how to use our time well.
Parenting is not just about providing; we also have to create experiences and memories. We must continue to take care of our mental and physical health to be fit parents.
I'm Daisha Renee; single mama, foodie, and lover of yoga. Here on the blog, I love providing powerful solutions for overwhelmed single moms who struggle with balancing all the components of single motherhood. I would love it if you would come hang out with me in my Facebook Group. I can't wait to virtually meet you!