Why You Shouldn't Feel Bad For Filing Child Support

Why are single mother's demonized for holding deadbeat fathers accountable?Sometimes the right thing to do can be the hardest thing to do. Every day more and more single moms who are being shamed for evening thinking of filing for child support. Is it really okay that a fully-grown man, who out there having his fun, abandons his responsibilities?

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Why are single mother's demonized for holding deadbeat fathers accountable for child maintenance? Every day more and more single moms who are being shamed for evening thinking of having the father make child support payments. Is it really okay that a fully-grown man, who is out there having his fun, abandon his responsibilities?

Everyday social media displays more memes basically shaming single mother's who wants to collect for child maintenance. This topic is a tricky subject all around. A lot of people, parents, and non-parents see child support as a revenge tactic. Not as a means for the custodial parent to provide for child maintenance.


Why does it matter? And why is it any of anybody else’s business? It seems in today's world that child support equals bitter "baby mom". So now we have moms who want absolutely nothing to do with the dad, not file, and raise her children without any support; financial or physical. And we have moms who file for child support who feel the father should be held accountable.

Those are the mothers who are shamed and automatically label by the masses as bitter about a failed relationship. When in reality she just wants to provide for her child with the assistance of the father; as it should be. There is no reason for single moms to feel guilty for filing for child support.

In 2018 Child Support Payments = Bitter "Baby Mom"

Today's society believes that single moms who receive child support payments are living the good life and are taking advantage of their exes. The fact that the mom must provide for her child does not necessarily make her a bitter mom. While we should recognize that this may be the case for some situations, not all moms deserved to be labeled as bitter over a failed relationship just because she's made a choice to file for child support.

She is making a choice between sanity and struggle. Being a single mom in today's world without any kind of assistance, government or child support agreement is truly amazing. If you are a mom who is able to go without this supplemental income, then that's great. However, we should stop downing moms who make a choice to hold these grown men responsible, even if they have nothing physical to do with their offspring. 

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Don’t feel bad filing for child support

Tell me, is it bad to need child support payments after making a child with another person? Especially if a father is NOT willingly stepping up to help? Child maintenance is expensive.  The financial burden should not rest with the mom even if she can manage on her own. Me personally am pro-choice, do what you have to do. It's your life, live it as best you can and not let others shame you because of their personal feelings.

Going without does not make you any more or less of a "real" mother. Trust me, no one truly desires to take care of children alone. You should not feel ashamed or guilty for holding the father accountable for his children. Don't let the opinions of people close to you or people who glorify the struggle on social media stop you from making a personal choice that only concerns you. 

Fathers rights in child support

In an article on TIME, they stated that many sociologists reported believing that the current system of child support payments often leads mothers to deny fathers access to their children until they have paid what they owe, therefore acidifying the relationships. That happens to be true is some cases and in no way benefits the child.  A child is not a weapon for anyone to use to get their way. 

In the eyes of the law, the non-custodial parent still has the right to see his child. These are two separate cases and should be acknowledged as such. If a mother is withdrawing visitation from the dad, it could also endanger her position in court. Below are other means that could be taken if the father stop paying child support:

  • Garnishing his pay

  • Refusing to allow the father to obtain a legal passport

  • Intercepting unemployment compensation

  • Offsetting federal and/or state income tax refunds

  • Enforcing jail time


Child Support Agreement

Kathryn Edin, a sociologist, and Johns Hopkins Bloomberg Distinguished Professor wrote in a study, Journal of Marriage and Family, the importance of understanding fathers rationale for in-kind child support. Collaborative arrangements that involve some mixture of cash and in-kind goods and services given directly to the child. This arrangement is preferred by fathers who fear that the mom will spend child support payments on herself rather than the child.

Incidentally, I've also seen complaints about child support payments not going to the child. Why would child support that is meant to help with food, shelter, clothing, medical costs, education, and incidentals go to the child? A child can not provide these things. That's the job of the custodial parent. However, Edin also suggests that fathers get more recognition for these acts from their children, that it is a way of bonding. 

How many men can sit down with your child's mother and come up with a plan to make sure your child doesn't want/need for anything? Both parties should participate in financially supporting their children. If the father is doing his part than initially there is no need to pay child support. If he is a good father who you know is considered "cash poor" why not come up with an child support agreement that works for the both of you? 

Hello there!

I'm Daisha Renee; single mama, foodie, and lover of yoga. Here on the blog, I love providing powerful solutions for overwhelmed single moms who struggle with balancing all the components of single motherhood.