Don't Lose Yourself to Being a Single Mom
Are you a single mom who feels like you are losing yourself, caught up in your daily grind? Feeling like you are unable to take a breath and just focus on yourself for a minute? When was the last time you even thought about yourself? Or does your life solely revolve around your kids?
Yeah, I figured you could relate. You probably wouldn't be reading this blog post if you couldn't. Way too often single moms get caught in their everyday routine of raising the kids and going to work, you forget something that's important too. That's YOU!
I don't know why that comes so easily. Is it from feeling overworked? Overwhelmed with all your "priorities"? Too tired to do much else than what you deem necessary? That's probably the case.
After scooping up the kids from daycare/babysitter, doing homework, dinner, and baths, you probably dread doing anything else. But let me tell you, my friend, it should NOT be that way. Don't let all the pillars of life get you so far down you don't even let yourself be an afterthought.
You are still a person. You are still a woman, though not the woman you were before you had children. No, that woman has grown and has been shaped by the reality of her life. Now let's take that new found wisdom and discover how to not lose yourself in single motherhood.
MAKING THE EFFORT TO PRIMP
Now, before I get into this, let me just say that I would NEVER give you advice I would not take or try myself. With that being said. Make the effort to get dressed, fix your hair, and even dab on a little makeup (eyeliner and gloss is fine 😂) even if you're NOT going ANYWHERE! Why? Because it will make you feel good I guarantee it.
I work from home every day, and one day I noticed a trend in my laundry. I was only washing my tanks, undergarments, leggings, sweats, and hoodies. All of my jeans, dresses, nice sweaters and shirts remained untouched. Along with my jewelry. My mindset was solely focused on waking up, getting the kids to school, getting back home to work and wanting to be as comfy as possible, and I felt like shit.
Making the time to put in this little effort to get primped like I was going somewhere made me feel good. It made me feel like someone other than my children's mother. I felt like a woman. Not just any kind of woman. One who FELT and KNEW she looked attractive. One of my favorite vloggers on YouTube had said the same thing when her audience asked her why did she get dressed up and do her makeup since she doesn't leave the house.
Check out the video below and if you want you can skim to [4:48] to hear her talk about how it makes her feel good to do this regardless of where she's going.
TREAT YOURSELF EVERY NOW AND THEN
So I know a thing or two about mom guilt. Or feeling like you're so swamped with bills that thought of spending a mere $20 on yourself feels completely alien. Well, it shouldn't. You work hard for your money so why not treat you right?
It seems a tad ridiculous to live just to work. Thinking that you all have to be given to your little family. Not even. Yes, you have been saddled with the majority, if not all the responsibilities that come with raising your children, however, you still need to take care of you.
And treating yourself doesn't always have to be about spending money (though it is the fun part and sometimes a little sad). You can pull up Pinterest and get flooded with tons of neat things to do at home fo' FREE.
Do your own manicure, pedicure, bath bombs, and facials galore. Or if you have a little something in the bank, treat yourself to a new due, a message, a movie, a yoga session, or time at the mall. It's important to look back on these times and go, "Damn I lived!". Don't look back with pity or regret.
SINGLE MOMS STILL HAVE PERSONAL GOALS
Your dreams and aspirations do not die suddenly because you're a single mom. If anything now is the time for exploration and self-discovery. Have something that gives your life purpose besides your kids.
Now I'm no stranger to having limiting beliefs myself. Sadly, when we do this, we impoverish ourselves and keep from living the life we deserve. It's time to explore dream bigger and discover yourself. Your life isn't "over" just because you're a single mom.
Roadblocks will always keep trying to test you. However, don't be afraid to go for something because you think you won't be able to pull the resources necessary.
MAKE TIME FOR YOUR FRIENDS
Let's not forget the people who knew you when or new people you've met, but rather not live without. Your friends are like organic medicine that fuels the soul. The more you allow them into your life instead of isolating yourself, you're at less risk for depression.
You need your people. And they don't necessarily have to like kids to be your people. It's nice to get out without having to talk about the little ones all the time.
Don’t lose yourself
All right lady let's sum all of this in a nice and neat package so you're not overwhelmed by feeling like you have to remember to do more things. Making yourself feel important should not feel like a chore. Hanging out with your friends should not feel like another task that you have to do. Setting and achieving goals should not feel like work.
Keep the people in your life that bring you happiness close. They can make the loneliness that accompanies single motherhood bearable. Setting and achieving goals will make you feel accomplished instead of just being defined by your single mother status.
Life can be too short for some and too long for others for you to not embrace the things that make you happy. Don't get swept up in the motions. Don't lose yourself in single motherhood.
I'm Daisha Renee; single mama, foodie, and lover of yoga. Here on the blog, I love providing powerful solutions for overwhelmed single moms who struggle with balancing all the components of single motherhood.